This is satire KELOWNA, BC — In a move experts say “could not have gone any other way,” reality television producers have confirmed that Canada Shore was filmed in Kelowna, while Love on the Spectrum continues circling Vancouver after determining the city was no longer safe for unsupervised fun. According to producers, Kelowna was selected after a routine scouting trip revealed “sunlight, momentum, and citizens who still experience emotions without immediately filing paperwor

YouTuber Still Identifying as Teacher Unsure Why Students Won’t Take Them Seriously This is satire Like, Subscribe, and Sit Down Part I: Authority Ends at the Upload Button YouTuber Still Identifying as Teacher Unsure Why Students Won’t Take Them Seriously LOCAL CLASSROOM — An educator who now spends most evenings filming YouTube videos titled “Why Kids Today Are the Problem” expressed confusion this week after noticing a sharp decline in classroom authority. “I just don’t g

This is Satire (mostly) VANCOUVER — In a bold move experts are calling “deeply familiar,” several North American music festivals have successfully completed their transformation from scrappy cultural gatherings into full-fledged Garbage Universities , adopting the same bloated administrative structures, opaque back doors, and unpaid labor pipelines traditionally reserved for higher education. Much like universities, modern festivals now insist they are “community-first” while

This is satire In an effort to bring clarity, structure, and much-needed order to a historically chaotic culture, a DJ who has never released music has officially set firm guidelines on who is allowed to speak about rave history. The announcement came after several “pesky kids” and veterans alike dared to comment online without first checking whether their lived experience aligned with the DJ’s personal framework for acceptable discourse. “Rave History is important”, the DJ

Jim Johnston was never meant to be visible. For more than three decades, he worked behind the scenes of one of the loudest entertainment machines on the planet, composing music heard by millions while remaining largely anonymous outside wrestling’s inner orbit. From 1985 to 2017, Johnston served as WWE’s in-house composer, producing thousands of pieces of music that would come to define not just performers, but eras. He didn’t arrive through the wrestling world. Johnston’s ea

This is satire It was supposed to be a perfect weekend. The festival was “sold out” (capacity adjusted). The lineup was “curated” (agents answered emails). The crowd was “community” (everyone wore the same sunglasses). Then someone died. Not metaphorically. Not spiritually. Actually died. On festival grounds. Somewhere between the VIP compost toilets and a branded hydration station. At first, no one knew what to do—which is impressive, considering everyone there claims to be

Origins Tell us about the name Girl Blunt. We fucking love it — and we love blunts. What’s the story? I’ve been active in music on and off for the past decade under a different moniker. When I first started djing I was using that name and realized it didn’t fit anymore. I happened to bring it up one day when I was hanging out with my friend Patrick, they immediately just blurted out Girl Blunt, I think it was the first name they said and it just clicked. The name, of course b

Vancouver’s underground scene has always survived on one thing: trust . Trust that the party is real. Trust that the vibes are organic. Trust that when someone says “secret location,” they don’t actually mean a geotagged parking lot with three corporate sponsors and a branded photo booth. Some brands in this city are straight-up lying to your face —and then selling ad space on top of it. The Myth of the ‘Secret Location’ There was a time when a “secret rave” meant sketchy dir

(or: Why Every Rave Now Comes With Kombucha and a Mission Statement) Vancouver’s underground didn’t collapse because of lack of talent — it collapsed because it got institutionalized from both sides : the wellness-industrial complex -on the grassroots end, and the cultural grant bureaucracy on the top-down end. Somewhere between the crystal-healing DJ and the arts-funding application template, the city’s nightlife was quietly sanitized into something safe and polite. The pie

1. Vancouver’s Underground Is Forced to Orbit Bad Institutions In Montreal, underground talent grows in basements, co-ops, lofts, illegal warehouses — places that aren’t supposed to exist but do anyway. Entire micro-scenes form inside buildings held together by bad drywall and community spirit. Montreal rewards chaos. In Toronto, talent grows through density and pressure. A massive, diverse population forces cross-pollination: hip-hop nights bleed into drum & bass; techno kid

If you’ve been around the Vancouver underground, you’ve probably seen the name Subdidi floating across lineups, mixes, and much more. He’s a DJ, producer, and tattoo artist with a distinct sense of taste — the kind that connects dots most people don’t even see. From throwing down raw phonk mixes to inking clean, timeless pieces, he’s built a creative world that’s entirely his own. We sat down with Subdidi to talk Basscoast, tattooing, phonk, and what it’s like riding through

(An Archival Report by Safe as Fuck) In September 1972, the American counterculture tried to resurrect Woodstock. Instead, it summoned hell on a floodplain. Bull Island was pitched as the Midwest’s Festival of Freedom — a three-day blowout of peace, love, and music. What unfolded instead was a grotesque parody of everything it claimed to stand for: a lawless swamp of starvation, fake drugs, and open flames. By the end, there were 200,000 people, four toilets, and one dead co

Safe as Fuck Interview: Beatmool I. Origins Let’s start with the name — “Beatmool.” It’s distinct. Kinda mysterious. What’s the story behind it? Where did it come from? The word first came to me while I was travelling in Croatia. I visited this beautiful rural area and was inspired to produce a track with an English translated name of the location “Greenfall.” My love of liquid drum & bass at the time helped me envision a new project dedicated to that atmospheric, liquid good

Every year, the city produces talent that should be global. Instead, most of it leaves. Not for weather or lifestyle, but because Vancouver structurally fails its own artists. Ambition is punished, creativity is mined for cheap labour, and culture is exported before it ever gets a chance to breathe. This isn’t a lament. It’s a map. From corporate creep to festival marketing absurdity, from the curator class of privileged amateurs to a talent pipeline that literally bleeds int

Music festivals like to frame themselves as modern-day utopias: weekend democracies where basslines and biodegradable glitter dissolve...

Festivals love to pretend they’re the beating heart of music culture. “This is where memories are made, where sounds are born, where the...

On Aug 29, Canadian micro-brands will lose competitive edge on U.S. shipping. On Oct 31, you can sell direct at our Halloween Rave 🎃 1....

Music isn’t just entertainment. It’s chemistry, psychology, and low-key mind control wrapped up in basslines and hooks. Scientists have...

There’s a funny myth still floating around electronic music: that the underground is “pure,” and pop is “fake.” That if you’re grinding...

There was a time when the “local scene celebrity” could survive on two things: A handful of half-decent mixes. A bottomless pit of...