Dance Music Genres Safe as Fuck Watched Die in Real Time (Part 1)
In the interest of public education, Safe as Fuck has assembled a brief guide to several important dance music genres that shaped the modern festival landscape, primarily by proving that just because something is loud doesn’t mean it’s good. Below are a few of the highlights. Moombahton Moombahton arrived in the early 2010s with the promise of merging reggaeton rhythms with Dutch house energy. The result was a genre that sounded like a laptop trying to play two unsynced YouTu
Pentagon Study Finds ‘Bro-Level’ Coordination Increases by 400% Once the ‘Good’ Controller Has Been Secured
ARLINGTON, VA — A groundbreaking multi-year study released Thursday by the Department of Defense confirms that American "bro-level" tactical coordination spikes by a staggering 400% the moment the "good" controller is successfully secured by the group’s most competent gamer. The report, titled Project: DualSense Dominance , suggests that while a group of four adult men in various stages of a turkey-induced coma may appear lethargic, their lethality in virtual theaters of op
Channel 5 Confirms That Shia LaBeouf Is, In Fact, a Fucking Moron
LOS ANGELES — After conducting what they described as a “thorough, boots-on-the-ground journalistic investigation,” reporters from Channel 5 announced this week that actor Shia LaBeouf is, beyond any reasonable doubt, a fucking moron. The conclusion follows a now widely circulated interview in which the former child star appeared to wander through the conversation like a drunk guy who just discovered philosophy for the first time at 3:40 a.m. in the smoking area of a dive bar