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Adapt or Fade: How AI Is Finally Forcing Legacy DJs to Evolve Or Perish
Vancouver’s DJ scene has always had a gatekeeping problem. Now, AI is blowing the gates off. For years, Vancouver has operated like an...
SAF
Jul 23, 20253 min read


Vancouver: Live Nation’s Dumping Ground and Blueprint’s Velvet Rope
In the grand tour circuit of North America, Vancouver is rarely the main event. It's the comma between Seattle and Calgary, a western...
SAF
Jul 17, 20253 min read


🎪 Are You Being Exploited by That Music Festival? - A Field Checklist for Volunteers Who Deserve Better
Perfect for volunteers who want to know whether they’re part of a meaningful community event — or just unpaid labour keeping the LED...
SAF
Jul 4, 20252 min read


Ten Reasons You Should Watch Less Hollywood Trash and More Korean Masterpieces (Starting with The Chaser)
*BONUS: WE INCLUDED THE ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK PLAYLIST AT THE BOTTOM VERY SAMPLEABLE. SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA — In an increasingly saturated...
SAF
Jul 2, 20252 min read


Interview w/ SoraTora
We sat down with Soratora to talk about her journey from Port Coquitlam to Montreal’s late-night domes, the birth of DIY Rave, and her...
SAF
Jun 25, 20257 min read


SAF INTERVIEW w/2THL3SS
Back in the 6ix 1. You’ve moved back to Toronto after time on the West Coast—how’s the transition been, and has the change in...
SAF
May 13, 20256 min read


SAF Interview w/ SlowRolla
On the Road & On the Airwaves Your set at The Lot Radio recently made serious waves — can you walk us through what that moment meant for...
SAF
May 5, 20257 min read


Critics Praise New Netflix Series for ‘Not Getting in the Way of Instagram’
LOS GATOS, CA — Netflix’s newest original series, Coastal Tension , is earning rave reviews this week from critics and viewers alike —...

Crimmu$
May 3, 20252 min read


New Festival Tier Lets You Finance the Right to Be Assaulted by the Weather, Other People, and God Himself
In a bold step forward for experiential suffering , organizers of DustDrop Festival 2025 announced a new “ Ascension+ Tier ” — a...

Crimmu$
Apr 30, 20252 min read


SAF’s First Annual Soundclash: 5-Crews
SAF Soundclash 2025 🕘 9:00 PM – 2:00 AM 📍 🎙 Secret Opener • Decibel Meter Battles • All-Crew B2B Madness 🕘 9:00 – 9:25 PM — SECRET...
SAF
Apr 29, 20251 min read


Man Retreats to Cinematic Universe Where Accountability Doesn’t Exist
By the Safe as Fuck News Department DENVER, CO — In a bold act of self-care, 36-year-old systems analyst Kyle Wetherbee reportedly...

Crimmu$
Apr 29, 20252 min read


SAF Interview with amita
The Beginning What pulled you into DJing? Was there a defining moment, or did it happen more slowly over time? Both of my parents are...
SAF
Apr 8, 20258 min read


Local Raver Can Never Remember Which Marcus Is Which, Knows One Is Definitely Dead
This is satire VANCOUVER, BC — Local drum and bass enthusiast Ryan “NeuroRyan” Fisher once again found himself in a state of existential crisis this weekend after failing, for the hundredth time, to correctly differentiate between UK drum and bass legend Marcus Intalex and Toronto jungle icon Marcus Visionary —though he remains “pretty sure” one of them is dead. “I think I accidentally mourned the wrong guy,” muttered Fisher, gripping his drink. “What if I meet him and say,

Crimmu$
Apr 3, 20252 min read


Vancouver Purist Rejects AI, Awaits Recognition That Will Never Come
VANCOUVER — In a courageous act of cultural preservation, a local aging hipster has taken to the internet to declare war on the greatest...

Crimmu$
Mar 30, 20252 min read


Vancouver Man Finally Has Balls to Unfollow Boiler Room, Now Coping With Keep Hush Obsession
VANCOUVER – After years of pretending Boiler Room was still a cultural institution rather than an overbranded graveyard of forced vibes,...

Crimmu$
Mar 28, 20253 min read


UK Decides ALI G Is Finally Ready to Be Prime Minister
THIS IS SATIRE LONDON — In a surprise turn of events that has political analysts, TikTok commentators, and aging Boomers equally...

Crimmu$
Mar 26, 20252 min read


Turns Out Flooding the City With Dillies (Hydromorphone) May Result in Tradsies
VANCOUVER — In breaking news that shocks absolutely no one except city officials, recent reports confirm that flooding the streets with...
SAF
Mar 23, 20251 min read


Turns Out Stigmatization of Hard Drugs Not the Worst Idea — Harm Reduction or Bait and Switch?
VANCOUVER — In the wake of vending-machine crack pipe failures and rising delivery app regret, new research suggests that — brace...
SAF
Mar 23, 20252 min read


Local Man Accidentally Became Important at Work and It’s Ruining His Life
East Van, BC — What began as a casual “ya I can probably figure that out” has evolved into a full-scale professional catastrophe for...

Crimmu$
Mar 19, 20251 min read


This Just In: Turns Out the Internet Is Actually Just Disembodied Tom Green
Disembodied Digital Tom Green. SAF. For years, scientists, conspiracy theorists, and that one guy at your local vape shop have debated...

Crimmu$
Mar 19, 20253 min read
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