New Festival Tier Lets You Finance the Right to Be Assaulted by the Weather, Other People, and God Himself
- Crimmu$
- Apr 30
- 2 min read
In a bold step forward for experiential suffering, organizers of DustDrop Festival 2025 announced a new “Ascension+ Tier” — a payment-plan-only package that gives attendees premium access to physical, emotional, and spiritual trauma spread evenly across three days and four stages.
“For just $172/month over 18 months, fans can unlock high-end exposure to biblical heat, assault-adjacent crowd experiences, and enough existential dread to age five years by Sunday,”— said DustDrop’s Experience Director Megan Lang, pointing to a tiered pricing chart titled “Suffering, But Make It Curated.”
The new tier includes:
Early-entry access to the same overflowing porta-potties, but with a dedicated queue of influencers complaining louder
A reserved patch of sun-scorched dirt you can legally call your tent “site”
Front-row placement in the “Object Thrown at Artist’s Head” pit — renamed the “Interactive Fan Expression Zone”
A complimentary emergency blanket and festival-branded electrolyte packet
When asked about weather protections, Lang clarified,“No shade structures, but Ascension+ pass holders do get priority hallucination slots when dehydration hits.”
One festival goer, Andrew (31), said he was grateful for the monthly payment plan.
“I didn’t know it was possible to go into debt for a serotonin drought, but here we are. By day two, I paid $19 for water, shit in a hole behind the Red Bull tent, and got lightly trampled during a surprise B2B — I feel seen.”
Reports also confirmed a surge in crowd activity during Sunday’s closing set, where fans hurled vapes, melted Crocs, and one functional iPad at a headliner whose set “was too ambient to be that confident.”
“I paid for catharsis and I’m getting it,”— said one Ascension+ ticket holder, moments before collapsing in dust and being reborn as an Instagram caption.
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