Like, Subscribe, and Sit Down

Crimmu$
Jan 26
3 min read

Updated: Jan 27

YouTuber Still Identifying as Teacher Unsure Why Students Won’t Take Them Seriously

This is satire

Like, Subscribe, and Sit Down

Part I: Authority Ends at the Upload Button

YouTuber Still Identifying as Teacher Unsure Why Students Won’t Take Them Seriously

LOCAL CLASSROOM — An educator who now spends most evenings filming YouTube videos titled “Why Kids Today Are the Problem” expressed confusion this week after noticing a sharp decline in classroom authority.

“I just don’t get it,” said the teacher, adjusting a ring light between second and third period. “I’m being authentic. I’m being vulnerable. I’m building community.”

Students, meanwhile, reported difficulty respecting someone who monetizes their existence under thumbnails reading “I’m At My Breaking Point (Because of You)”.

According to sources, the teacher routinely reminds students that “this is a safe space,” before later uploading a 22-minute video breaking down their behavior, tone, and facial expressions for an audience of strangers.

“Yesterday they told us respect is earned,” said one student. “Then last night they earned $137 explaining why we’re unteachable.”

Administrators confirmed the teacher still refers to themselves as an educator despite spending more time tracking engagement metrics than grading assignments.

“They keep asking if the class ‘liked the lesson,’” said a colleague. “Not understood it. Liked it.”

At press time, the teacher was reportedly drafting a follow-up video titled “Why Students Don’t Respect Authority Anymore (Not Clickbait)”, while students quietly agreed to watch it in class—on mute.

Part II: Engagement Metrics Replace Discipline

YouTuber Still Identifying as Teacher Announces New Classroom “Boundaries” After Students Quote Channel Back to Them

LOCAL CLASSROOM — The educator-turned-content-creator behind the channel “Teaching Truths They Don’t Want You to Know”

announced new classroom boundaries Monday after students began referencing their monetized grievances verbatim during lessons.

“it’s becoming a respect issue,” the teacher explained, moments before reminding the class that their reactions may later be discussed online “for educational purposes.”

Students confirmed the policy applies retroactively.

“Last week I raised my hand and asked if this was going to be on the test,” said one student. “They said, ‘Actually, that’s a great example of learned helplessness,’ and I showed up in the next upload.”

Faculty sources report the teacher has replaced traditional discipline with content incentives, occasionally pausing lessons mid-sentence.

“I thought I was in a science class,” said a student. “Turns out I’m in a Focus group.”

When asked whether public commentary about students undermines classroom trust, the teacher shook their head.

“No. This is transparency.”

The statement was made while gesturing toward a whiteboard that now reads:

Be Kind / Be Respectful / Smash That Like Button

Shop “Like and Subscribe” Tee

At press time, students were reportedly debating whether participation grades count as engagement or views, while the teacher prepared a community post asking followers whether they should “quit teaching or double down.”

Part III: Administration Logs In

School Administration Launches Investigation After Discovering Classroom Is Also a Content Pipeline

DISTRICT OFFICE — School administrators confirmed Tuesday that they have begun a formal review after learning that a local classroom has been functioning simultaneously as a learning environment and a monetized media funnel.

“We were initially alerted by a parent,” said Vice Principal Karen Holt, scrolling through a YouTube channel titled “Why This Generation Is Broken (Episode 47)”. “Then we noticed the lesson plans were just timestamps.”

According to district officials, the teacher maintains they are still fully committed to education, despite referring to students as “my audience” and requesting a mic upgrade through the school’s supply budget.

“They told us the ring light was for ‘clarity,’” Holt said. “But it’s labeled ‘Creator Essentials.’”

Students reported confusion after being asked to sign what they believed was a permission slip.

“I thought it was for a field trip,” said one student. “Turns out it was for episode sponsorship.”

Administration attempted to address the issue by recommending traditional classroom strategies such as structure, consistency, and private conflict resolution. These suggestions were reportedly met with concern.