North Americans Gassed To Finally Get Drone Deliveries Just Like In Gaza

“We’ve been manifesting this moment since Amazon Prime Day 2016,” says Brooklyn man, moments before impact.

In a historic milestone for consumer convenience and geopolitical irony, North Americans are finally getting a taste of the future they’ve long dreamed of—rapid drone deliveries straight to their front doors, just like the citizens of Gaza have been experiencing for years.

Tech companies, media outlets, and suburban influencers alike rejoiced at the news, mistaking the whir of unmanned aerial vehicles as symbols of progress and not, say, international war crimes.

“This is a huge step forward for civilization,”—beamed Jennifer Marks, a tech writer who has never once spelled “Palestine” correctly.“We’ve moved from waiting three days for a package, to now getting it and a deeply traumatic aerial surveillance experience in under 30 minutes. It’s literally the same thing!”

The new wave of delivery drones, marketed with the zippy slogan

“Lightning Fast, Lightly Armed”,are currently being piloted in major cities across North America, with customers already praising the service for its punctuality, ominous buzzing, and unintended collateral damage.

“I ordered a yoga mat and it came with a complimentary deep state vibe check,”—said Tom, a Toronto-based crypto DJ.“It’s giving Black Mirror, but like... chic.”

Industry insiders revealed that the new rollout was greenlit after years of U.S. military experimentation in conflict zones across the globe, primarily Gaza, where drones have perfected the art of

“identifying and delivering targeted packages with extreme prejudice.”—one Lockheed-Martin intern posing as a logistics consultant.

“Gaza’s really been the sandbox for this kind of innovation,”—they added,“Like, we wouldn’t even have this kind of efficiency if it weren’t for the countless... uh... test cases.”

Meanwhile, critics of the program expressed concern about the normalization of militarized technology in civilian life. But supporters were quick to clap back with TikToks captioned:

“Me waiting for my matcha collagen powder while ignoring ethical implications ✨☕️💀”

As of press time, Amazon stock has soared, and a new startup called “Dronify” has begun offering tiered delivery options, ranging from

“Surgical Strike” to “Shock and Awe.”

When asked about the uncanny resemblance to military aggression in occupied territories, a PR rep for the company replied:

“We don’t see borders. We just see customers.”

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